A year of carrying this
The first anniversary often arrives in your body before your calendar: tired, irritable or tearful in the weeks leading up to it. That's normal, and it's a cue to make your plan.
You've lived through a year that changed you: the funeral, the phone calls, the forms, the first holidays without them, and the days you got through without knowing how. There's no getting over it. There's only before and after. The person you are in the after is still you, carrying more than before, and still here.
The printable version includes an anniversary plan, a letter to yourself in the first week, and a Growth Inventory.
How to use this stage
- Plan the anniversary a few weeks ahead, not the week of.
- If you're the executor, do the estate wrap-up check before the anniversary if you can, so it isn't hanging over the day.
- Look back only if and when it feels right. The reflection can wait until after the day, or until next year.
Your anniversary plan
A few weeks before the date, answer these. There are no wrong answers, and this year's plan doesn't have to be next year's.
- What do I expect to feel in the days before?
- Who will I tell ahead of time, and what would I like from them: company, a call, or space?
- What do I need permission for this year: to skip it, keep it small, change it, or keep it exactly the same?
- How will I mark the day, on my own terms?
- Where will I be, and who, if anyone, will be with me?
- What's my exit plan if it gets to be too much?
- How will I look after myself in the days afterwards?
Ways to mark the day
- Cook a meal they loved
- Visit their grave or a place that mattered
- Light a candle at the time they died
- Give in their name
- Take a walk or drive they would have taken
- Finish something they started
- Gather people to tell stories
- A quiet day with the phone off
Any deliberate act counts, and doing nothing at all is allowed too.
Closing out the year
Estate wrap-up check
- SoonMake a list of anything still open with the lawyer, the accountant, banks, insurers or pension plans, and decide who will follow up on each.
- SoonCheck that the final tax return has been filed and assessed, and that any estate returns are done.
- SoonCheck whether the CRA clearance certificate has arrived. Final distributions should wait until it does.
- SoonOnce everything is paid, make the final distributions, keep a written record of who received what and when, and give the beneficiaries a simple summary of the estate.
- SoonClose the estate bank account once the last payment has cleared.
- SoonComplete any provincial steps still outstanding (see your province page below).
Looking ahead to year two
- Can waitUpdate your Year at a Glance for the coming year. Some dates may move between tiers. The second year is often quieter, but not always easier.
- Can waitDecide what to keep long-term: the estate binder, legal and tax documents, their letters, their voicemail. Tax records are generally kept for six years, so ask your accountant how long to hold on to the estate's.
- Can waitRevisit your grief toolkit. What helped at month two may not be what you need now. Keep what works, and let the rest go.
Where your parent lived
A last check before you close the estate. Your province's page lists anything that may still need filing.
Looking back
You don't need to have "grown" or found meaning for this year to count. Simply getting through it counts.
What's normal around the anniversary
Feeling worse in the days before and after the date than on the day itself. Mixed feelings about "a year already": it can feel like forever and like yesterday at once. Guilt about having good days. Worry that you're forgetting them, or that you're expected to be "done" now. None of this means you're doing it wrong.
A letter to you, in the first week
Write to the version of you who was in the first week after the death. What do you most want them to know now? What would you tell them to be gentle about? What did you learn this year about what you can carry? A few lines is enough.
A Growth Inventory
Researchers who study life after loss describe five areas where people sometimes notice change: relationships, new possibilities, personal strength, appreciating life, and beliefs and meaning. For each one, write a specific example, or "not yet, and that's fine."
An honest "not yet" in every area is a completely valid result.
Watch for
If, a year on, the grief is still as intense as in the first weeks and is getting in the way of work, relationships or looking after yourself, it may be what's called prolonged grief. That isn't a failure. It's very treatable, and it's worth naming to your doctor or a grief-informed therapist. If you're in crisis or thinking about not wanting to be here, call or text 9-8-8 any time.
Thank you for letting me walk alongside you this year. Your Start here page and all five stages stay here for you, so come back to any of them whenever a hard date or a wave catches you off guard.
If you'd like to go deeper now that the logistics have settled, my After the Fall™ program is a 12-week path for living with grief, not getting past it. You can take it on your own, or with me one-on-one.
I'd love to hear how you're doing
Book a free 30-minute connection call with me any time. There's no pressure and no pitch. It's simply a space to say how it's actually going, and to talk about what kind of support, if any, would help from here.
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You are seen. You are supported. You are loved.Chivonne
This page is general information and grief education, not legal, financial, medical or mental health advice. Information checked October 2026. If you're in crisis or thinking about not wanting to be here, call or text 9-8-8 any time.
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