Stage 3 · Weeks 2 to 12

When everyone goes home

The funeral is over, people have gone back to their lives, and the envelopes keep arriving. This is often the hardest stretch. You don't have to do it all at once.

If you're feeling worse now than you did in the first days, nothing is wrong with you. The adrenaline has worn off, and grief has more room. At the same time, this is when most of the paperwork lands, usually on one person. Below is that paperwork in order, with what can wait clearly marked, and a few things to help you carry it.

Download the printable version Book a 30-minute call

The printable version includes tick boxes and three worksheets: a claims tracker, the Shoulds list and a Capacity Calendar.

How to use this stage

  • If you're the executor, most of the practical list is yours, but plenty of it can be handed off. Look for HAND OFF.
  • If someone else is the executor, you can skip straight to "The crash after the funeral" below.
  • Only do estate tasks on days you have a bit more in the tank. On the low days, rest is the task.
Practical

The paperwork, in order

Benefits and claims

  • NowApply for the CPP death benefit. It's a one-time payment of $2,500, with a possible $2,500 top-up if your parent never received a CPP or QPP pension and has no spouse or partner who qualifies for a survivor's pension. The executor should apply within 60 days of the death. If there's no executor, the person who paid for the funeral can apply, then a surviving spouse or partner, then next of kin. Apply online through My Service Canada Account, or by mail with form ISP1200.
  • SoonCall the CRA to report the date of death and stop or transfer any benefit payments. Ask how to become authorized as your parent's legal representative, which you'll need for their final tax return.
  • SoonClaim life insurance, workplace pensions and group benefits. Each will want a death certificate. Ask what else they need, and track it in the claims tracker in the PDF.
  • SoonIf your other parent is still living, help them apply for the CPP survivor's pension, and check which joint accounts, bills and policies need updating.

Probate and the estate

  • SoonDecide whether you need probate, the court's confirmation that the executor can act. Banks often require it for larger accounts, and it's usually needed to sell real estate. Smaller estates sometimes don't need it. Each province has its own name, process and fees (see your province page below).
  • SoonConsider a lawyer for the estate if there's real estate, a business, assets outside your province, no will, or family disagreement.
  • SoonKeep a list of every asset and every debt as you find them: accounts, investments, property, vehicles, credit cards, loans and bills.
  • Can waitDon't pay out inheritances yet. As executor, you can be held personally responsible for unpaid taxes or debts if you distribute the estate too early. The tax clearance step comes in Stage 4.

Cancelling ID and accounts

  • SoonCancel their passport if it's still valid. Mail it to the Passport Program, Gatineau, QC K1A 0G3, with a copy of the death certificate and a note saying whether you'd like it destroyed or returned to you. An expired passport doesn't need to be sent back.
  • SoonCancel the provincial health card and driver's licence (see your province page below).
  • SoonConsider telling Equifax Canada and TransUnion Canada about the death. It helps protect your parent's identity from fraud.
  • Hand offAsk a sibling or friend to close subscriptions, the phone plan, streaming services and utilities, once you know which ones the estate or the house still needs.
  • Can waitSelling the house, sorting belongings, and their social media accounts. These come in Stage 4.

Going back to work

  • SoonTalk to your manager or HR before you go back. Ask about a gradual return, flexible hours for estate appointments, and whether you have an Employee and Family Assistance Program (EAP). Many EAPs include free counselling.
  • SoonDecide what you want coworkers to know, and who will tell them, so you don't have to explain it again and again.

"I'm back, and I'd rather we not make a big thing of it. If I need anything, I'll ask."

"I appreciate you asking. Right now I just need to focus on work. I'll come to you if that changes."

"I'm dealing with a loss and may need some flexibility over the next while. I'll let you know if I need to step away."

Where your parent lived

Probate, health cards and driver's licences work differently in each province. Your province's page has every step in one place, kept up to date.

OntarioEvery Ontario step, by stageOpen → British ColumbiaEvery BC step, by stageOpen → AlbertaEvery Alberta step, by stageOpen → All other provinces and territoriesOfficial links and the questions to askOpen →
Emotional

The crash after the funeral

Everyone else seems to be back to normal. You may not be. That gap is one of the loneliest parts of grief.

What's normal right now

Feeling the loss more sharply now than at the funeral. Grief brain: rereading the same email three times, losing your keys, forgetting conversations. The "shoulds" getting louder: I should have called more. I should have seen it coming. And after a long illness, relief, which often brings guilt with it. Relief doesn't mean you loved them less. It's one of the most common feelings in this kind of loss.

Try this

The Shoulds list

Write every "I should have" exactly as it sounds in your head, however harsh or unfair. Don't argue with it or fix it yet. Just get it out of your head and onto paper. When the list feels complete, close the page. You'll come back to it later in the year, when there's more room.

Guilt loops when it stays in your head. On paper, it has somewhere to sit.

Try this

A Capacity Calendar

Each morning, mark your energy as low, medium or higher. On low days, rest is enough. On medium days, do one small task. On higher days, do the call or form that matters most.

It plans around the energy you actually have, not the energy you think you should have.

Protect the big decisions

  • Nothing irreversible gets decided the same day it comes up.
  • Where you can, wait 3 to 12 months before major moves, such as selling your own home or making a big financial decision.
  • Before deciding, ask: is this actually reversible, and is the deadline real?

Watch for

Still unable to function at work or at home by weeks 6 to 8. Not eating or sleeping. Using alcohol or other substances to get through the day. Thoughts of not wanting to be here. Any of these is a good reason to talk to your doctor, a therapist or your EAP, alongside this kit. In a crisis, call or text 9-8-8 any time.

Coming next

Around week 6, a check-in from me. Around month 3, Stage 4: the final tax return, the family home and belongings, digital accounts, and planning ahead for the first holidays and birthdays.

You don't have to carry this alone

Want to talk it through?

If the paperwork, the family dynamics, or the weight of it all is a lot right now, book a free 30-minute connection call with me. There's no pressure and no pitch. It's simply a space to say how it's actually going.

Book a 30-minute call

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You are seen. You are supported. You are loved.Chivonne

This page is general information and grief education, not legal, financial, medical or mental health advice. Information checked October 2026. If you're in crisis or thinking about not wanting to be here, call or text 9-8-8 any time.

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